Why Mealtimes Feel So Hard (and What You Can Do About It)

I totally understand the fights parents feel they have to go through at mealtimes. Having been one of those children myself – I remember trying to outwait my mum. The fights over "Do I have to?" The silent standoffs, the negotiations, the tears. And now, as a feeding therapist, I watch parents who are all but at breaking point, trying their absolute best to nourish their children. I see it every day: both parent and child completely exhausted by the simple act of sitting down to eat.

So, why does something as routine as dinner feel so heavy?

Part 1: Why Meals Feel Stressful

For families navigating feeding challenges, mealtimes are rarely just about the food. They're layered with tension, trauma, and emotion.

For the child, meals can be overwhelming. Many of the kids I work with have sensory sensitivities that make food textures, smells, or even the sound of chewing feel unbearable. Some have a history of gagging or vomiting that makes even approaching a new food feel terrifying. For children with ARFID (Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder), eating isn’t just unpleasant – it can be genuinely distressing.

Add to that the exhaustion of a full day at school, the unpredictability of what's being served, and the loss of control over their environment, and you've got a perfect storm of resistance and overwhelm.

Meanwhile, parents are juggling their own stress. Which brings me to...

Part 2: The Hidden Pressures Parents Carry

Parents are under a LOT of pressure – most of it invisible.

There's the fear around nutrition: "Is my child getting enough? What about iron? Protein?" Then there's the conflicting advice online (some of it well-meaning, some of it completely inaccurate), plus the unsolicited opinions from family members, teachers, or other parents in the school pickup line.

And then there's the guilt. So much guilt.

Guilt for not cooking from scratch every night. Guilt for relying on the same three safe foods. Guilt for dreading mealtimes. Guilt for feeling angry or defeated when their child refuses again. It’s heavy. And it makes every meal feel like a measure of their parenting.

But it doesn’t have to be that way.

Part 3: What Helps – Strategies to Reduce Mealtime Tension

So how do we take some of the stress out of meals? Here are three key shifts I recommend to the families I work with:

1. Create Predictability

Children with feeding challenges thrive on structure. Predictable meal times, familiar foods, and visual schedules can lower anxiety and help build trust. It might feel repetitive at first, but predictability is often the foundation that allows flexibility to grow.

2. Focus on Connection, Not Consumption

Try to shift the goal of mealtimes from "how much did they eat?" to "did we connect?". Sharing a meal, even if your child only eats a small amount, still provides an opportunity for co-regulation, modelling, and trust-building. Reducing the pressure to perform can help your child feel safer around food.

3. Co-Regulate

Your child takes emotional cues from you. If you're anxious, frustrated, or visibly upset, they feel it – and may shut down further. Take a few deep breaths, regulate your own nervous system, and model calm curiosity instead of control. You're allowed to have feelings too – but taking care of yourself is part of caring for them.

You’re Not Doing This Wrong

If every meal feels like a minefield, you’re not alone – and you’re not failing.

Feeding is complex. It’s emotional. And when it’s not going well, it impacts the whole family.

But there is a path forward. You don’t have to figure it out alone.

📘 Want a Clearer Starting Point?

My free Could It Be ARFID is a gentle, practical resource to help you:

• Understand the root causes of feeding struggles

• Reduce stress at mealtimes

• Begin building a more connected and flexible relationship with food

🔗 [Download it here] or book a call if you’re ready to explore personalised support.

You deserve peace at the table – and so does your child. Let’s work toward that together.